My boyfriend keeps letters from previous relationships

My boyfriend keeps letters from previous relationships

How come my boyfriend keep letters from their ex-girlfriends?

My boyfriend stated that the envelop from their ex was at storage space and it again that he read. But later on I’d an atmosphere he didn’t away throw it and I also ended up being appropriate he kept it. This hits me personally as strange I have ever given him because he has thrown away all of the letters and cards. He stated he’s got no explanation to help keep them, and therefore he does not keep letters and cards from individuals. Therefore, how does he keep letters from their ex girlfriends? Not merely one but from 2 various girls.

If he states that things such as this don’t matter then the reason the letters didn’t allow it to be into the trash, if it surely didn’t actually suggest any such thing? Rather it had been set aside carefully, this has additionally occurred with images from their ex girlfriends, and I also simply discovered that the envelop has a photo of their ex.

I realize if people desire to keep images but letters?, even though its disrespectful in my opinion, but during the time that is same feel just like if somebody needs to keep images or letters from ex-girlfriends which they still are hanging on to one thing.

We don’t know very well what the letters suggest to him precisely. He constantly informs me we don’t trust him, but he keeps such things as this from me personally. Trust and sincerity goes both methods. We don’t keep things from him.

I’ve been thinking about methods about how to confront him relating to this. We’ve been dating for nearly 3 years, i recently had a sense he didn’t put the envelop away that day.

Response:

Individuals keep letters and photos for a number of reasons. But, mostly because individuals keep such mementos simply because they recreate memories that are unique unique emotions (realise why does partner keep in touch with an ex).

And maintaining letters or photos of an ex doesn’t necessary imply that the man you’re dating really really really loves you any less. It would likely simply suggest which he likes the memory of exactly how he felt during those times.

And simply as you are currently someone that is dating maybe perhaps not signify that individual needs to stop trying all of the memories of history. Asking you to definitely provide their keepsakes up so that you can show you respect is certainly not being extremely respectful.

So, our most readily useful advice is never to “confront” the man you’re seeing in regards to the situation. Contemplating a discussion as a conflict frequently turns it in to a conflict. An easier way to give some thought to this issue is to look at it as a discussion—a discussion where your aim is always to realize their perspective without wanting to judge him or alter his behavior (see talk about issues).

Without reacting in a way that makes him feel ashamed or fearful of your reaction, you may find that understanding how he feels will bring you closer together if you try to understand why those past memories are so special to him. That which you hear may hurt your emotions or make us feel insufficient in someways, but you can’t alter their previous memories. And if you attempt to know just how he seems in regards to the situation, he will probably attempt to understand situation from your perspective. Such an authentic sharing of emotions can help produce greater closeness and understanding, when you can learn how to keep your anxiety and worries from developing in hostile and/or manner that is defensive.

And e-chat quite often relationships work most readily useful when partners feel secure and close, but additionally allow one another to possess a feeling of their particular identification. Relationships frequently don’t work when individuals feel threatened and attempt to get a handle on areas of their partner’s behavior, aspects which individuals are entitled to—such as memories of these previous and keepsakes which are very important for them.

de Jager MargrietMy boyfriend keeps letters from previous relationships